What a year it’s been. As my friend Jacob says, “It will give your kids something to tell their grandkids.”

As I logged out of my last #SarahConnor workout with the ladies of the phetasy.com community, I got emotional thinking about just how much that structure and sisterhood has meant to me throughout this pandemic. I love isolating and a person like me really could have gone off the rails completely—just having to show up and be accountable not only kept me healthy, it kept me sane.

You’ve all kept me sane. Through the chaos, confusion and division this year has presented, you’ve kept the lights on this digital shelter for the politically homeless. I’ve watched incredible acts of love and support unfold in this community. Complete strangers reaching out to lift one another out of depression, addiction, death, personal loss, unemployment, tragedy. Despite our political differences and beliefs—through pandemics, protests and an election—we stuck together like family.

It’s been an honor getting to know you on our #DropInsWelcome zoom calls. It’s a gift to see the pictures of your kids, your meals, your real lives. Between the vapid facade that is Instagram and the weaponized snark that is Twitter, this place here feels closer to what life is like in reality. Meals and pets and efforts at self-improvement speckled with politics, music, comedy and memes. Punctuated with moments of sadness, tragedy and loss.

Many of you have bared your heart and soul on this site. Some of you remain in the shadows, preferring to just be a part of and observe. Any way you feel comfortable engaging is perfectly acceptable. I’m just happy you’re here.

Now as things slow down, as I am able to log out, stop producing, refill my tanks, and get quiet, it’s hitting me just how bonkers this year was. My therapist said today that she just keeps hearing over and over that all her clients are “tired” or “exhausted” and she said even though we’ve all been locked up—it’s emotional exhaustion just from the heaviness of the year. I’ll tell you what she told me—treat the next two weeks like a retreat. Stay away from all things toxic if you can and nourish your mind, body and soul. Spend time in nature, with pets, with loving family and friends if you can. Read books. Write in your journal. Take baths. Build something. Anything that grounds you in real life and doesn’t virtually activate your adrenals and strain your eyes and nervous system.

For two weeks I’m going to do my very best to stop doing and just be. This does not come naturally to me. Pushing myself comes naturally. Filling every inch of my day with sound and movement. Resting and recovering does not. I know it’s exactly what I need to do though because when I logged out of #SarahConnor and realized I have nowhere to be or nothing to do until January, I was flooded with anxiety and the urge to fill that time with as much productivity as possible or immediately get on Twitter to take away that nervous energy. My first thought was a voice that said, “Get to fucking work on your book—you have two weeks to finish it.”

My second thought was, “Calm down, psycho." And that’s what I’m going to do. Calm down.

Thank you, Pham. This place is truly magical and special. I hope you take some time over the holidays to reset, recover and retreat. You all deserve a break from the madness. We are lucky to have one another and I’ll be popping in here and there to say hi.

You all make me want to be better, work harder and get stronger. You also remind me I need to rest. I couldn’t do any of it without your support and I’m forever grateful to you for believing in me.